we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
