I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
