is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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