i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
