Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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