Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
