I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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