If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
