Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is not my ceiling
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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