Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
