we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
