I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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