Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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