i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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