I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
