Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
