There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
