imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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