I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
