How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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