I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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