he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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