she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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