Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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