i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
