How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
