Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
