Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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