Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
