Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
