i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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