i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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