Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
