he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
