how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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