Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
