The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hippo gnu deer
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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