so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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