Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
