She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
