I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
