What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need moral support for this bender
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
