I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He better not be in your backpack
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
