i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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