It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
