Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
