Sponge bath it is.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
