also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
