It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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