We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
