i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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