I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
