I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
