This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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