I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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