Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
