I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
