How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
