I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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