you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
