i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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