I'll bet she douches with gravy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize