If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
