so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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