remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
