once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
