i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
